Better

Someone has been praying for me. I can feel it.

Because I feel better. I still miss my baby girl more than I can bear, but I feel calmer. I know she is happy, healthy, loved. P and M are the very best parents. I bet poor Roo hasn't been put down since they got her home.

I sort of regret posting such hysterical things earlier. Although I did feel them and think them, and my feelings are legitimate and important.

But after shouting a few more times at my poor dear mother, I felt like I should check out a few adoption/birth parent blogs, and I did, and I still am, and I feel more calm than I did last night after one-and-a-half Ativan tablets.

Over the past two weeks, as I said goodbye to Roo, I knew that there were a lot of people fasting and praying for me, and I appreciated it. And P and M fasted for me yesterday (see how cool they are?) and I felt calm yesterday because of it.

But I wasn't hysterical yesterday to begin with. Today I was. And then suddenly ... calm. And I know - I KNOW - that it is because I am being prayed for. I don't know who has prayed for me and for my strength and peace, but I know that at least one person has.

Thank you, whomever you are. I still miss my baby, but I feel better. For the first time since last night, I feel almost okay. And I am forever grateful.