Blessings

Yesterday was Roo's first Sunday at church.

I got pictures of her in her cute little dress. She looked adorable! Of course, I happen to think that Roo would look cute in just about anything because she is so pretty.

I don't think Roo would have gone to church yesterday if she was still with me. Where would I have gone? I would have felt too awkward to go to my singles ward. But I don't think I would have felt any more comfortable in my mom's ward, either. I'm sure I would have gone back to church eventually, but with Roo, I'm not sure how long it would have been. It would have been easier to just stay home.

In a few months (well, more like six months, but still) Roo will be blessed in church. I'm not sure how that would have worked out if I'd kept her. I guess my brother would have blessed her. But who would have stood up there with him? I'm not sure. I think I would have cried, but for the wrong reasons. Not because I was happy that Roo was being blessed, but because she had no father to do the honors.

I am so thankful that Roo has a mommy and a daddy who will take her to church every Sunday. She will never have to feel awkward or uncomfortable at church because of the circumstances of her birth. She has a daddy who loves her, who will give her a name and a blessing - a father's blessing. How special that will be!

She is already so blessed to have such amazing parents who love her so dearly. And I am blessed by her being in P and M's family. They are the most awesome people I know, and they are so good to me. I will forever be grateful to my Heavenly Father for guiding me to them.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is such an amazing thing. I have seen it change lives. It has changed mine. And, thanks to the miracle that is adoption, it will change Roo's life. I love to picture her at three years old, walking hand-in-hand with her big sister to primary on Sunday. I like to imagine her learning to pray; singing a hymn with her family during Family Home Evening; saying a few simple lines during the primary program in church; learning Book of Mormon stories from her parents.

Roo's parents will make sure that she knows she is a precious daughter of God, that she has infinite worth, that her life has a plan and a purpose. Would she have learned that if I'd kept her? I'm sure she would have. But she would have so many questions - about her birth, about her father, about the decisions I've made in my life, about her own self-worth. I don't want her to ever doubt for a moment that she is loved and wanted. And I can't imagine that, had I kept her, she wouldn't wonder, at least once or twice whether she was a mistake, whether I resented her and the course my life had taken because I was her mother. I'm not sure I would ever be able to convince her otherwise.

One of the first things my therapist said after I told him I was pregnant was that humans make mistakes - God does not. Roo was not a mistake. A surprise, yes, but never a mistake. She was born (to me) for a reason. P and M needed her! She was meant to be theirs, but God needed her to get to them in a non-traditional way. I am thankful every day that P and M are Roo's parents. Because of them, both Roo and I are blessed more than I can ever say.