Feeling Better

In the midst of my earlier hysterics, I decided to call S. S is my caseworker from LDSFS. She had told me before that I could call her any time, day or night. I decided to take her up on that.

I called her up and poured my messy little heart out. She listened, and she sympathized. She cried with me. She didn't have anything earth-shattering to say, and she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.

But I felt better.

While I'd been talking to S, my mother had called my brother to come and give me a blessing. My brother felt like my bishop should come over too, so my mom called him as well.

I had a good talk with both of them, and I got the most wonderful blessing.

I feel so much better! I know that I did the very best thing in the world for my little Roo. It's just me that I feel bad for. And I will get better. I know I am going to have bad days and tough times. But I'm going to try not to let them get the best of me.

I have decided that (and I'm sorry if this sounds offensive) God is sort of like an 8-year-old boy. He loves me, He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes. I know God loves me. And I know that I have good things ahead.

My bishop said something important tonight, when he was talking about hope. I had told him that I've never had a lot of hope. He told me that hope was linked to faith. If I have faith, I need to have hope.

I will have hope. For Roo, and for the wonderful life she is going to have, and for me, and for the blessings that my Father in Heaven has in store for me.