Good News

I got RooMail this morning!

I read all of my other e-mail first, saving my happy letter for the last. I also got a very sweet e-mail from a relative of P and M, which was awesome. I feel that I can certainly use all the love and support I can get, so it was so good to read her letter.

My Roo is thriving. She is sleeping well, eating well, and getting lots and lots of love and attention. What more could I ask? She is loved. She is happy. She has a mommy and a daddy and a big sister and a lovely home with her own room. She has nearly everything I could ever want for her, and in about six months, when she is sealed to P and M, she will have everything in this world (and the next) that I want her to have.

At first it would sting, the thought that what was best for my baby was for her to not be my baby anymore. It still hurts a little. It makes me think, was I not enough? I was a wonderful mother, truly I was. But, as I've told myself, I was not a wonderful father, and doesn't Roo deserve both? In a second, I can answer yes.

I was her mommy for nine of the best weeks of my life. I learned so much from that tiny girl. And I have more to learn from this experience. But not at Roo's expense. I am so happy for her, for my baby girl. She is going to have the most wonderful life. Heck, she already does!

And I will too, someday. I'm not going to allow anything otherwise. I know that the Lord has amazing blessings in store for me, and I'm not going to let my sorrow or my pain get in the way of them.