Better

I am feeling much better. After an up-and-down sort of day, I got the most amazing priesthood blessing from my brother. The blessing was exactly what I needed. It calmed me down, gave me peace and calm and joy.

I feel sort of bad about all the stuff I wrote earlier. I hope it's clear, in reading, that I say exactly what I feel when I feel it, whether I mean it or not, and whether I should or not. Yes, I had a rough day. But I don't want anyone to think for a second that I'm not happy for Roo and her parents. I don't want anyone to think for a second that I would have missed being there for her sealing. I will treasure those quiet moments in the temple waiting room as long as I live. Much as I would have loved to be in the sealing room with everyone, there was something symbolic and oddly reassuring about the way things were. P and M gave Roo what I couldn't give her - they went where I can't yet go.

As I sat there, watching people come and go, I had the thought that something was finished - something I'd been anxious for. Roo finally has what I wanted most for her. I did right by her. My job is done. It wasn't a bad feeling.

P and M invited my mother to be there for the sealing. How awesome is that? She said Roo was really good. Not that I doubted she'd be good. She is the best baby in the world. And today (yesterday, strictly speaking) she is a little bit closer to returning to live with her Father in Heaven. If I have to be miserable for a while for her to have that, I'm okay with it. She is worth every tear.