Christmas

It's Christmas. Merry Christmas, blog people!

I got my gift early this year - in July. P and M got theirs in September. So, by extension, did Roo.

I miss that little girl. I mourn the loss of the things I had planned, the life I had planned with Roo. I love the presents my mother got for me, but I would have traded all of them in a second to have Roo here instead. But I love her. I wanted her to have more. So I don't have her here.

I miss her. I wonder what her first Christmas was like. What fun, bright toys she got. If she tried to eat the wrapping paper. If she had on special Christmas jammies, or a dress. Maybe a red bow on her head, or a little Santa hat. Did P and M buy a Baby's First Christmas ornament for her? Was Roo captivated by the pretty lights on the tree?

Today's been rough. I knew it would be. I'm anxious for it to be over. Strange to think that a year ago Roo was the size of a strawberry. Now she is a happy, healthy 5-month-old. I hope she had a happy day. I bet she did. She's such a mellow, cheerful baby. She's worth my misery. She's worth the pain. She has a wonderful life, with a mommy and daddy and big sister who love her. She is sealed to them. That, too, is an early present I got. Roo has what I wanted most in the world for her. Nothing else matters.