Final

It's official - Roo belongs to P and M. The adoption was finalized this morning.

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I haven't cried, which is a good thing. I am excited, happy for all of them, I swear I am. And yet ... there's an underlying sadness. She's really theirs - which means she's really not mine.

Not that it wasn't already a done deal for me. As S told me on the phone at 3am the day after placement, the papers I signed were irrevocable, final for me. And I wouldn't take her back. I know - I know - that she is supposed to be theirs. The older I get, the less I seem to know, but that is one thing that I know for sure, no doubt about it. She was meant for them. God just had to get her there a different way than usual.

Yesterday, the ninth, was exactly three months to the date since placement. Thirteen weeks. It feels like years ago. I'm not sure what I've been doing for the past three months. Nothing comes to mind. Blogging, I guess. And speaking about adoption. And crying.

Hmm. I'm happy, I think. Yes, I've decided to be happy about it. This is what I wanted for Roo, after all. A mommy and daddy, a real family.

P and M sent me a picture of them all at the courthouse. They look overjoyed. Even the judge looks happy. Roo looks a bit nonplussed, but then she's a bit young to understand. As far as she's concerned, they've always been her parents. I'm starting to feel that way a bit too. I'm glad it's finally official.