Dear M,

I wasn't very eloquent earlier. I guess I got nervous. I don't know why, but I did just the same. There were things I wanted to say but I couldn't get them out. I do much better with a keyboard and a few minutes to mull things over. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I thought I'd write it out anyway on the off chance that you might at some point.

Congratulations! You made a beautiful baby, absolutely perfect. I know that all newborn babies are cute, but some are really squishy or splotchy or have lumpy heads. Your little one is exceptionally cute. You should be proud. You did something amazing - you grew a person! And you did a really good job. I am proud of you. I know that the past several months haven't been easy, to put it lightly. I couldn't have handled things as well as you have when I was your age. You are a strong woman.

I think part of my speechlessness earlier was because I wanted so desperately to find the right words for a situation where there are no right words. What comes next is going to suck, no two ways about it, and there's nothing that I or anyone else can say to make it suck less, or to help you understand that it won't always be this way. You've got to figure that out for yourself, in your own way. Oh, M. My heart hurts for you already. It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are, you're not prepared for what comes next. There's no way to plan for it. I wish it didn't have to hurt. It seems unfair that doing such an amazing thing should hurt so much, but that's the way of things. I know that you can do it, though. You'll find your way through and you will be a better, stronger person for it.

I guess I'm not doing much better now than I did earlier. I still don't know what to say. Just know that you're in my prayers, and you've been before, and you will be in the future. I'm here if you need me. I know people like to throw that phrase around a lot, but I really mean it.

Take care of yourself. You are still important. You were important before this all came about, and you're just as important after it. You are an amazing woman. Don't ever forget it.

Love,
Jill