I don't remember the last time I blogged twice in three days, but this is a special occasion. Today is my birthday!
I hate my birthday. Well, no, hate isn't the right word. Mostly because I like cake, but also because I like cake. Dean Koontz said that where there's cake, there's hope, and there's always cake.
But as I may have mentioned last year (I'd give you the link but I don't feel like finding it) I tend to have disappointing birthdays, and sad birthdays, and so I have learned to have absolutely zero expectations. My birthday is just another day. Shorter of breath, one day closer to death, right? As long as I get my cake, I'm okay.
This year, there is only one thing I wanted for my birthday. I wanted if for my last birthday too but I was more patient then. I wasn't sure it would happen this year, even though I wanted it to very badly. It was completely out of my control, and all I could do was pray. Then I heard that it was going to happen ... and then maybe it wasn't, and I got a little angry at God and frustrated with the general unfairness of life. It wasn't something selfish I wanted. It wasn't for me. For the first time since placement, I wanted something for someone else more than I wanted anything for myself. I wasn't asking for a miracle. Well, maybe I was. But only a small miracle.
About a week ago, I had hope again, and I prayed quite desperately for several days, telling God in no uncertain terms what I wanted to happen and for whom. Just this one thing, and I wouldn't even care what happened for at least the rest of the year. I just needed this one little miracle, and I could handle everything else.
Last week, I got my birthday wish. I got my miracle, by which I mean that P and M got theirs. My little Roo is a big sister! I don't even have words for how happy and excited and grateful I am. It doesn't matter to me how my birthday goes anymore. If I start to feel sad, all I have to do is look at the picture I have of Roo holding a chubby-cheeked new baby (with a little help) and the world is an awesome place again.
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6 comments:
That is awesome! Happy for P & M and big sister Roo. :)
Happy birthday :) I also like cake, so have a little extra for me! Congratultions to Roo! A big sister, how wonderful :)
That's incredible!
Happy Birthday Jill! I'm so excited for Roo and her family. Congratulations to all of them! I just have to say I really love your blog. Even when you say that you feel like you don't have anything to say, I always find your posts interesting and thought provoking. I liked what you said in your last post about needing to hurt because it gives credibility. I have thought a lot about that and about how I have done that at times in the past. You truly have a gift for articulating what I have maybe never been able to express. Anyway, just had to tell you that I am grateful for your perspective and insights.
Happy Birthday! Mine is in 5 days (Fellow Scorpios??) and I usually ignore it for the same reasons. I haven't had great ones in more than a few years so it's easier for me to ignore it. But I'm so happy your birthday wish came true! (And PS cake makes it all better!) Hugs
Yay!! I'm a first time adoptive mom and I hope to have a second one day, so your post brought tears to my eyes. I just love the thought of my little guy being a big brother one day.
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